Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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