I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
