I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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