you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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