This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
