I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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