Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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