I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
