Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
