Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
