On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
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