All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
