How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
