I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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