That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
