yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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