weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
