So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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