omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
