We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
