What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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