my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
