how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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