The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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