this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
