I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
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I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
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I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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