dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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