Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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