do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
