its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize