I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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