I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
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During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
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It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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