anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
