the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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