Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the day after is always just damage control
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
