Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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