I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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