I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
