i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
