I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
