One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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