he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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