gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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