dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
