I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
