the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wish i was in the wii world.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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