Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
