I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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