i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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