I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
and you fell through a lawn chair
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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