I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
