I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize