you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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