can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
