bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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