I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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