member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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