Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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