this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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