This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
