Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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