I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
