Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
