Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
