I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
two words...techno handjob
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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